Stellar’s Birthday

January 28, 2015. In loving memory. Happy Birthday, Best Boy.

Today, Stellar would have been fourteen years old. He almost made it! It’s been a contemplative day and I’ve missed him a bit more than in recent weeks. But I’m okay, and celebrating what a wonderful life he had, we all had together. In mindfulness, we talk about the importance of choosing where to place our attention. From the moment Stellar arrived in my life, he was always a joyful and restorative focus for my attention. Hours at a time passed when I was occupied with other things, work or people or other obligations, but even then he was always present in the background like a bass rhythm, my anchor, my rock.

Stellar at about two months old, the last time I had three dogs. Raven teaches him to dig, and grumpy Uncle Brick supervises. (There’s no sound in this video.)

When he had been with us about eight months, serious Mr. Brick was diagnosed with cancer and declined quickly. In the last week of his life, I’d sit inside with him doing Reiki. The energy flow between us was palpable to me, and also to little Stellar outside; at a certain point in my session with Mr. Brick, when the energy hit a particular frequency, each time at the same level, Stellar would come tap at the window. That’s how strong our connection was. I don’t think he ever thought of himself as separate from me.

Thoughts arise almost every day about getting another dog, and I know I will eventually. But each time those thoughts come up, after I follow the fantasy (which varies widely) for awhile, I settle into the memory of my big beautiful boy, the best dog ever on the whole planet, and realize that I’m still not ready, yet. There is too much of him still with me, the body memory of his giant presence, the clarity of his gaze into my eyes, the total belonging of us together. I miss all my past dogs, memories of each of them colored to a large or small degree with some regrets; but I miss Stellar with a pure, clear love untainted by doubt or rue, one connection unsullied by human errors, misperceptions, judgements. He was one true thing I did right in life. I’ll be grateful forever for the solace and joy of this little bhodisattva who graced almost fourteen years of my time on this planet.

Mr. Brick and Stellar, spring 2008. He was two months old.
Three months old. Forgive the indulgence. I’m trying to post pictures I haven’t shared here before.
Back when we used to get big snow, 2010. He was two.
At Dameron Marsh, Virginia, 2011. He was three.
At Hughlett Point, Virginia, 2013. He was five.
Stellar and Raven singing in another precious day, 2014. He was six.
January 2015. He was seven.
May 2015, driving the Mothership without a license.
Silly boy, 2016. He was eight.
This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_4010.jpeg
Topaz and Stellar, 2016. She was just one.
November 2016
Autumn at the canyon rim, 2017. He was nine.
Another pretty good snow, 2019. He was eleven.
May 2020. He was twelve. We were both mourning the death of Raven.
November 2021, a year before he died.
May 2021. He was thirteen. Rest in peace, dear boy. You’ll live in the hearts of those who loved you as long as we live.

6 thoughts on “Stellar’s Birthday

  1. What a beautiful post. As I mentioned a while back, we lost our gentle giant, Roscoe, about the same time you lost Stellar, also at about 13-1/2 years. So your post brought back wonderful heart-tugging memories, and also some laughs, as with Stellar learning to dig. I loved the photos of Stellar, every one of them. I miss your daily posts (I found you too late, alas!), but I am very grateful for an occasional one as well, especially one as beautiful as this. Thank you, Rita.

    • Thank you, Sandra. I’m glad to spark some warm memories, though I imagine that also brought up some grief. Wishes to you for ongoing healing and love for Roscoe. I’d love to see a picture of him! Feel free to share one or more in the comments 😍!

      I hope to post more often than once a week, and your support inspires me to try harder. I’ve been busy with a work due date, but finished that this week, so maybe I’ll be a little less lazy at night. Thank you for your encouragement.

      Rita Clagett Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher Mirador Eco-Retreat

      “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” ~ William James

      >

    • Thank you, Margaret!

      Rita Clagett Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher Mirador Eco-Retreat

      “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” ~ William James

      >

  2. Rita, As I read about your Stellar I am moved to tears. What a beautiful boy and a beautiful life with your special relationship.I The memories are bitter/sweet but so glad we have them. I to still have a powerful connection with Nick and think of him everyday and probably always will. We were so lucky to have had that unconditional love . What wonderful pictures of his life. Thank you for your post. Geoff

    • Thank you, Geoff. I thought of our discussion about exaggeration yesterday with a smile when I wrote he was the best boy, thinking of you and Nick, and Doris and Daisy ♥️

Comments are closed.