I’m grateful for silence: for the privilege to live in a place where there are occasional moments of true silence, with barely a murmur from nature and nothing manmade. I once knew a deeper silence, before the ringing in my ears. Now, almost always when there is no external sound, and the songs and thoughts in my head are taking a brief rest, there remains a tone between my ears. Its exact nature varies but it’s always there. Except for very rare moments when it disappears, and suddenly a clear, open silence spreads through and over me, and everything else. I’m grateful for these fleeting moments of true silence, and for all the other times in my days where all I hear is the hum of life around me, soothing the buzz within.
Something else we have in common!
Including the buzz between the ears?
That in particular. I’ve had pretty intense tinnitus for many years now: not so much buzzing, but ringing–on many simultaneous frequencies–and sometimes insect-like clicking. It never completely abates. Learning to live with such internal noise is indeed its own spiritual practice.
Yes, that’s what mine’s like too, variable, more often a tone like a tuning fork but steady. Damn. I don’t LIKE this spiritual practice. What’s up with it? Just so much external manmade sound? Mine actually began, I think, after I switched from a propane fridge, which didn’t make noise but did outgas, to an electric fridge which brought that nearly constant compressor hum into an otherwise deeply silent house.